Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
