Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Come on in and take your pants off
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