I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
