My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
