i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
