I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
