hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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