his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize