and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
