So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think people are normalizing furries
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize