I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
