I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
