Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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