i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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