Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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