I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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