nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
