I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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