things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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