You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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