I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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