By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
