Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
