I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
