I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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