Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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