how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
