mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
