he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
