you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
