So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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