I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
