yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
