I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize