i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
