Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
