I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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