if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
