Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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