just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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