You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
