Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize