I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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