I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
