If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
