you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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