I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
