theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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