well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
