I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
