she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
