so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
