I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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