70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just found puke in my bra..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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