I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
