Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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