the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
