i think my tv is drunk
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
