"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
