I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
