I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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