i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
