Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
