The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
