Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
