You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
