Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
