took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
